Re-sober
I have decided to restart my day count to last Monday, because the Sunday night of Memorial Day weekend I went to a friends house and finished off a twelve pack of Rolling Rock. My rationalization for thinking this was ok is that I was in a safe environment with a good friend, I wasn't going to use drugs or have unprotected sex, or go out and search for these things. And besides it was a holiday, Chad needs to chill out every once in a while.
The problem with this, and the reason for my recount is that it was a secret. Apart from my supportive friend with whom I drank, I probably would not tell many other people that I got drunk. To do so would be humiliating, because I set a standard for myself and then rewrote the rules at the last minute. In addition, when I walked through that liquor store, I felt like a kid in a candy shop. I was very excited. And the six pack wasn't going to be enough. Go big or go home. Right?
Drinking 9 or 10 beers isn't the end of the world. Making room for secrets, and compartmentalized habits that are ok with some groups of friends, and not ok with others, sets me up for the double-life that had me at multi-day unprotected sex parties on the weekends and in khaki pants Monday through Friday.
So, once again, to keep it real... I need to say no to alcohol. Whether it be in a social context, cultural context, private context, bar, dinner date, or work occasion.
Little addictions become big addictions