Let's Talk ] September 05
After a several years without really talking to each other, my father called me on my birthday. We both shared significant events which have taken place in our lives over the past year. After talking about work, and school, I shared about "the whole crystal meth thing". I ended by saying that I would be honored to share his response on my site. That it would be a great birthday gift.
Thank you, Dad, for this beautiful, sincere, real message.
Dear Chad,
Thank you for sharing with me on the phone the other day. I had not looked at your web site since July 25th and your house mates had not shared this part of what is going on in your life. But I am glad to know that you have decided to commit to these changes. You have taken a very courageous action and as is typical with you, have gone all out for it. I have never done any drugs and decided to quit drinking after one experience of being "sloshed" back in 1969, so I do not have experience within my own body of some of what you are going through. I came to a conclusion early on in life that did not have to experience every possibility in life. There are plenty of other things to choose and occupy my life and enough other life threatening situations that I did not need to spend time and energy on the most dangerous ones (one reason I have never jumped out of a perfectly good airplane or tied my feet to a rubber band and jumped off of a bridge) Life has been hard enough to survive and even though I try to eat sensible, nourishing food, a percentage of my diet consists of mildly addictive and body harmful pleasure foods. (I have lost close to 30 pounds though over the last three months without dieting, probably all the physical work pulling weeds and taking care of the house, pets and land).
So though I cannot identify exactly with what this time feels like physically for you, I have had to deal with a number of other employees and friends that have used Crystal Meth and I am well aware of its effects and the destruction it causes to peoples lives, which they generally cannot see at the time. Many of these people also went through or at least started treatment programs but walked out without finishing. I had to deal with their growing inability to do their job, endangering others, and their bizarre and often threatening behavior. I am very glad that you were able to see the effects on your own life at a relatively early stage of addiction. I also know that this is a highly addictive substance and as with most addictions of this nature the mind games are likely to be there long after the physical addiction is gone. I know that I am not telling you anything you do not already know, but I just acknowledge that I believe that you have made a very wise decision to set aside some of the other associated behaviors also. I am sure it would be impossible to keep the meth commitment and stay in the same environment that led to your beginning its use. I also came to the conclusion that I was spending a lot of time and money in trying to fit in with my military drinking crowd and it was not bringing any joy or satisfaction to my life so decided at that time to get on with enjoying the locations where I was and using the time to build /nurture friendships and relationships that were not based on alcohol as the common element.
You know son that I share the opinion that your coworkers and friends all have discovered, that you are highly talented, brilliant and enjoyable to be with. My heart is weighted with some of the decisions and choices you have made in living out your life and I have shed tears on many occasions as I have watch and listened to you, but I am encouraged and stand strongly with you in this choice. I will pray for you daily that you are able to keep your commitment and that the choices you make after November 7 will bring you great satisfaction and health.
I love you dearly, I have missed you greatly and I look forward to seeing you at the gathering in October. No, life is not rosy, rainbows and kittens, it can be hard, exhausting, and painful. But it is also about overcoming, and being able to smile because I choose to find something funny, beautiful, pleasing and/or loving in each day and know what the end of my days on earth will be. So I lay the past aside and push on to reach the completeness for which I was created. That gives me peace. Peace is the word Shalom in the Hebrew, which originally meant, "Destroys the authority that establishes chaos". To the degree I allow the influences of drugs, alcohol, sex or even food or money to have authority over my choices and wisdom, chaos will be established in my life. Chaos rarely brings joy or satisfaction. So shalom my son. I love you. Take time to enjoy the smell of a Doppio or try one over ice. Feel free to call or write at any time and my door will always be open to you.
Dad
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